3 Things I’ve Learned During My Marriage and 3 Ways to Have The Perfect Picnic.
It was my wedding anniversary in July and we did a few things to celebrate. Last year we were in Bali and nothing would compare to that experience, but we knew it had to be special. One of the things we did was to have some alone time and have a picnic. I figured out a few full proof ways to have the perfect picnic and have listed them below. For those of you who don’t know me, you don’t know that I’ve been with the same man since my freshman year in college. He was this hilarious, entertaining, fascinating man from the Midwest and I was surely intrigued. For one thing, I’m from New York and had never been to the Midwest. In fact, I had no idea where Indiana was on the map. (Hey give me a break I was only 18 and kind of full of myself like most teenagers) However, the way he navigated his world was stimulating.I had never seen anyone pilot their life as he did. Though we shared the same skin color, relative culture, and religion, it was purely captivating to experience the world from his point of view. He was exciting, funny, good looking, and didn’t take any of my New York attitude. He brought out the best and the worst in me and I somehow got addicted to his presence, his energy, and eventually fell in profound love with him. I had met my match in more ways than one and somehow knew it was forever. (I’m sure he didn’t know though, we know men are a little slow sometimes) But don’t get it twisted, we’ve had our ups and downs, like any relationship, but never ever broke up. We stuck it out, talked through issues, and ultimately came out on top. While I think at this point we got our communication down pat and we know when to tell the other what’s up, it took time to get there. Though I know that I have much more learning to do in our marriage and honestly I’m learning daily of how to take care of this man, I’ve learned so much already from our time together. So far I’ve learned that these 3 things are so important in our relationship.
1) Tell ‘em why you mad son!
I’m a big gift person. Not because I like stuff, but because to me it’s a physical object that shows you were thinking of me. My favorite gift that my husband ever got me was a dress form he found. He dragged it all the way home, on the subway just because he thought I might like it. When he tells the story he says that people on the subway were staring at him, but he didn’t care because he knew I would love it! It didn’t cost him a penny but it’s the best gift in the world because he was thinking of me. Now don’t get it twisted I also love my YSL and Givenchy presents he showers me with too, so he has to keep buying those! (Obviously) He usually does so well with gifting me things that’s why the one Christmas he didn’t buy me anything shocked me. I was tremendously sad/mad and played it off like it didn’t matter. Until my birthday came up in six months and He didn’t get me anything for that either. Again my feelings were hurt but I didn’t say anything. Was he not thinking about me? Did he not realize how important these things were to me? I kept it in until one day I blew up! Now, remember earlier when I said I had that New York attitude, yeah, that was in full bloom. I was mad and he was confused. We eventually talked it out and I realized that he had no idea how important gifts were to me. I just assumed that he should just know! At that point, I realized I could have avoided the pain and heartache had I just told him WHY I WAS MAD SON! Needless to say, I’m getting all the gifts now. He even surprised me on my birthday with exactly what I wanted! People can’t read your mind. You have to tell them. Don’t ever assume they know.
2) Mad for what?
I can’t remember for the life of me what show we were watching when we discovered the idea of “taking a dive” in an argument, but ever since we saw it we used it as a strategy for compromise. Ok, so I know this one might hurt feelings and be controversial but it what works for us. One time we got into a tiff about our couch pillows. He threw my new, expensive throw pillows on the floor! Anyone who knows anything about home decorating knows the cost of a good throw pillow. I wanted to keep ours in pristine condition and immediately felt my blood pressure rise when I saw him desecrate my beautiful Canaan throw pillows. I admittedly lost it. He went on to justify that they were “just pillows” and he didn’t see what the big deal was. After about five minutes of us both making the same point over and over again, my husband looked at me and said, “You know what, you’re right, I should take better care of our pillows and I will be more cognizant of how I treat them”. To which I responded “You darn right you will” You see, it isn’t that he suddenly got an epiphany about throw pillow maintenance, in fact, he really didn’t care about those pillows. What my husband was doing was choosing his battles and not getting upset about something that wasn’t that deep to him. He decided to GET MAD FOR WHAT? I’ve taken a dive plenty of times when something matters more to him then it does me. Do you like to get the toilet paper from under the roll? You got it! You rather watch TV in the living room rather them then the bedroom? Great, move over! Taking a dive might seem stressful to someone who wants to be right all the time. Luckily we both rather enjoy each other rather than enjoy a win.
3) Speak Life
Let’s face it, men don’t get it. They don’t get why we have to wear makeup. They don’t get why we have to do so many steps to our hair. They don’t get the importance of a good throw pillow, and they certainly don’t get the amount of pressure it takes to be a woman in 2018. I know it’s easier to talk to our girlfriends about how our men don’t get it and it even may be easy to get into the habit of talking bad about them. I had a co-worker who always said the worst things about her husband. This one day, in particular, she was spilling all the tea. He’s a loser, he never finished college, and he will never amount to anything. Now, who’s to say that all of these things she was saying weren’t true. They could have all been facts! It just seemed so off-putting that a wife would put all his business on Front Street. It was clear that she didn’t like her husband and it was truly sad. The same thing goes for husbands who bash their wives. My husband often tells me that not only does he love me but he also likes me. He gets confused when men don’t seem to like their wives. Though we don’t always agree with one another we still SPEAK LIFE into and about one another. We encourage, uplift, and support one another. You will never hear anything negative about my man, NEVER! It’s my responsibly to uplift him, and him me.
What have you learned from your past or present relationship? Are you guilty of any of these relationship killers? Will you try to have the perfect picnic?
-Shop this look-